Have the holidays left you tired? Experts say cherish the moments of solitude

It’s said to be the most wonderful time of the year, but everyone can use a break around the holidays.

Psychologist Robert Coplan explains, “I want to get up on the rooftops and shout, ‘It’s okay to ask for some me-time.’ sunday magazine Host Piya Chattopadhyay.

Between office parties, family gatherings, and plans with friends, there may be a lot of social interaction in the final weeks of the calendar. But Coplan, Chancellor’s Professor of Psychology at Carleton University, says spending time in solitude can provide a chance to “catch our breath.”

While people tend to equate loneliness and isolation, Coplan, author of The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected WorldIt is said that they are special.

“Loneliness is often thought of as a punishment, but if we turn it around in our minds and think of it as a reward — even a gift — time to do the things we want to do … reframing positive thoughts improves our experiences,” he said.

In fact, University of Michigan researchers analyzed hundreds of US news stories published between 2020 and 2022found that negative portrayals and discussion of being alone may contribute to the perception that loneliness is harmful. The researchers found that negative beliefs about being alone increased participants’ feelings of loneliness.

Coplan acknowledges that loneliness can have a negative impact on our mental and physical health, especially “when there is a mismatch between how we want our social lives to be and how they’re actually going.”

He compares loneliness to a bad feeling whereas loneliness is a state that can allow for positive experiences for us.

‘We have to get out of this mentality of scarcity’

People tend to prioritize the needs of others to the detriment of their own, but Toronto-based psychotherapist Marcia Sirota argues that we should spend our time on things that feel enriching.

“If you don’t take enough time to be alone and pay attention to who you are, how you feel and what you need, it’s impossible to pursue the things that are really going to nurture your true being,” she said.

Coplan says lack of alone time can also create negative emotions.

Researchers have coined the term “loneliness” to describe people who want to spend time alone or are dissatisfied with their solitary lives.

“They feel more stressed, their mood is more negative, they sometimes even suffer from symptoms of depression,” Coplan said.

He encourages people to choose solitude and embrace the joy of letting go, known as Jomo.

While it’s normal to feel guilty or disappointed about not being able to attend a social event or see a loved one, Sirota says the people who care about you will understand.

He said, “True friends don’t want us to destroy ourselves for them.”

Sirota is the founder of the Ruthless Compassion Institute, a wellness podcast that promotes self-awareness and empowerment.

She asks clients to consider what they’re really missing when they choose to take time for themselves.

“Many times, what we think we’re losing isn’t real. It’s not the end of the world,” he said.

Sirota likes to remind people that life is not a competition; There is no finite amount of cool or fun things in the world, and it wouldn’t hurt to lose them.

He said, “We have a lot of good things and we can create for ourselves, we can pursue them. So, we have to get out of this scarcity mentality.”

She encourages people to spend time alone and examine their feelings to help them find something meaningful to replace unfulfilling socializing.

Finding your core values

Similarly, Christina Crook sees loneliness as a way to manage our greatest asset: time.

Crook is the author of The Joy of Missing: Finding Balance in a Wired World and founder of digital wellness education platform Jomo Campus.

She says that when we intentionally miss things, we leave room for the things that matter most.

“Thinking about our core values ​​even for 10 minutes a day gives us the power to say no to things that don’t align with our values,” said Crook, who lives in Toronto.

Crook suggests doing an exercise created by Harvard University psychologist Susan David.

Ask yourself several questions like: What do I value? Or who and what do I love?

Then, she adds, sort those values ​​into two categories — most and least important — using a process of elimination until you’re left with three values.

“It really helps us come together and say, ‘Why am I wanting those things? Or why am I feeling bad about not going after that thing because it’s not even something I value,'” Crook said.

She says exercise can be a good New Year’s resolution activity to discover more joy.

He said, “If we have an awareness of what is life-giving, we will not consciously choose the things that are life-giving. We will begin to notice this and pay more attention to the things that are life-giving.”

For Crook, the most gratifying activity was playing catch with his son.

“It was a small time commitment but it was the thing that brought me the most joy every time.”