The dieting culture stole the years of my life. Then, I unlocked the key to break free
This first person is an experience of Natasha Nagindi, who lives in Saskatoon. For more information about CBC’s first person stories, please see Fasting,
For most of my life, I was confident that my body was a problem. I believed that if I can only lose weight, everything would be better. I should be more convinced, I will be happy and finally I would love it.
So I diet. I exercised in a passionate manner. I lost weight. And for a moment, I thought I had won. But the truth?
Dietary culture stole the years of its life before I get freed.
As a child in South Africa, I was surrounded by family, culture and food that felt like love. There was no count calorie, no “good” or “bad” foods. We just ate, and we enjoyed it. I never thought about calories and I never thought about my body size. I went, played, dancing and ate with joy.
But when I was eight years old, my family went to Canada. This was the moment when everything changed. I realized that I was not fit in Western beauty standards which seemed to be the world in South Africa besides beauty standards. I was a black girl in most white school in Brampton, Onts, and I became a hyper-witness about my size, my skin color and simply “separate”.
I quickly came to know that I was a big girl in a society who praised the thinness.
After leaving South Africa as a child, Natasha Nagindi felt pressure to fit with Canadian beauty standards. He spent years spent in diet and cycling through weight loss and profit and before getting help he needed to change his relationship with food and hug her body. Now, she is helping others find freedom of food.
Dietary culture fell into my head, whispering that I was not enough. I started feeling insecure and afraid of loneliness because I did not think I was quite good.
I loved the movement – figure skating, dancing and even climbing trees. But as I grew up, I felt that vacancies for movement were not made for a body like me. So I stopped.
The food was something that I used to enjoy without crime. But here in Canada, I learned that the thinning meant was better.
I went to my first diet in high school. It started small – here and there to do more work by cutting some foods. But then it became an extreme passion. I was counting calories, tracking everything and leaving food.
I believed that if I could only be small, I would finally be accepted. I also fell for the idea that my price was tied to my weight. And when I lost 50 pounds, suddenly, people saw and praised me. They told me that I “looked amazing.” That I “shone.”
I thought: “This is. I finally made it.”
I really believed that I was the best, I was ever. With all appreciation, I thought I could also help others, so I decided to study nutritional science at the university, thinking that I could teach people that I have lost weight as soon as I have lost weight.
I thought I was happy. But the truth? I was tired.
Nobody tells you this, but when your confidence is made on weight loss, it is never enough. The fear of getting it back eats you.
And like most people, I could not keep the weight I lost, because our body is designed to fight against the ban.
Despite this fact, I tried hard. More diets. More guilty. More ashamed.
Nearly three years to study nutrition at Suskechewan University, I hit my braking point. When I sought professional help and met a dietist who introduced me to the spontaneous food. This self-care approach encourages people to focus on listening to their body’s hunger, perfection and satisfaction signs rather than following external diet rules.
Learning about spontaneous food changed everything for me.
My dietist helped me feel that I was actually spending more time thinking about food than living my life. I was leaving food to save calories or to eat cake. and for?
I asked myself: “How do I want to live forever?” There was no answer.
I deleted my diet apps. I stopped eating food as good or bad, and I allowed myself to eat what I loved. For the first time in years, I listened to my body instead of punishing it.
I discovered the Harshit movement again – doing workouts because it was nice, not because I wanted to shrink myself. I started dancing again. I became a Zumba instructor. Gradually, but of course, I started feeling free.
After studying and spending years in working in nutrition science, I knew that I wanted to help others. I started sharing my approach with others through social media, encouraged people to make peace with food, loved my body and finding happiness in movement – free from diet culture.
I am trying to motivate others to practice self-compassion, I want I to show myself when I first went to Canada.
I now know that my body is enough, like it is. And so you are yours.
If you or someone you are struggling to eat disorganized, then see for help here:
Do you have a compelling personal story that can understand or help others? We want to hear from you. To learn more, email Sansk-first-person- mp@cbc.Ca.
