Many Canadians are spending less time with friends. How can we build deeper relationships?

Every Wednesday, members of the Toronto Dingos send life updates in their group chat.

“You just take 30 seconds to a minute out of your day… and share with everyone what’s going on in your life,” said Mike Bocian, captain of a mixed-age Australian rules amateur football club. If not now then when,

Club president and coach Justin Robertson says the tradition began after a devastating defeat that “shook them.”

Nothing went wrong in 2018 when one of the footballers, who returned for a second stint with the team, attended his first practice on Thursday. By Monday, the club learned that he had taken his own life.

That tragedy sparked the Dingos’ weekly video check-in, known as “Wednesday Waffle” – Australian slang for prank – so that something like that would “never happen again,” Robertson said.

This ritual underscores how regular, meaningful connection can help combat isolation at a time when many Canadians are struggling to maintain friendships, says Parveer Brar, a registered clinical counselor in B.C.

Maintaining close relationships requires consistency and intention, she says, especially when busy schedules and competing demands pull people in different directions. Whether it’s a bi-weekly phone call or a monthly meeting, planned time together can help maintain a friendship.

a widespread trend of disconnection

According to , Canadians are “spending less and less time with friends”. A Statistics Canada study Held from 1986 to 2022.

In 1986, 47.9 percent of Canadians visited friends on an average day. By 2022, this figure will fall to only 19.3 percent.

Bocian has seen the same trend in his own life. Since turning 40, he has seen his friendships fade away.

“After coming out of university and just focusing on your career, some of your relationships really start to wane,” he said. “You start to focus more and more on your life, your family, and the needs of that small group of people.”

A big reason for this, says Brar, is “how busy everyone is.”

The StatsCan report found that in 2022, Canadians will feel “the most time-crunched” since the early 1990s, when data collection on the topic began. Research shows that the COVID-19 pandemic has led to long-term social changes.

“In the past, people had a little more time to get comfortable,” Brar said. “Now, it’s like, ‘Let me call them ahead of time, plan this week in advance,’ (and) make sure it works with their schedule.”

Also, the report revealed that in 2022, Canadians were “more likely to worry about not spending enough time with family or friends than in 1992.”

relearning connection

Kimberly Brownlee, Canada Research Chair in Ethics and Political and Social Philosophy at the University of British Columbia, says the way people form friendships in modern culture has “undermined” our understanding of what it means to have friends.

“When Facebook was the big social media platform, ‘friending’ someone was something you could do,” he said. “(But) that little click (is not how) you become a friend… Friendship takes time, effort, commitment, vulnerability, compassion.”

Brar says this shift has changed the way people view meaningful conversations.

,People can … look at their list of followers, and they may number in the hundreds to the thousands, but in terms of a real connection, a true friendship, they may not be able to identify a single one,” she said.

“We have these relationships, but they are not deep relationships.”

Why meaningful friendships matter

Friendships are a valuable type of relationship because they provide unique emotional support, says Brar.

“They can give you a new perspective, a new way of thinking, a new way of dealing with a problem you have.”

When defining what a healthy friendship is, Brar says it’s “having someone you can be around authentically.”

She explains that a healthy friendship is a two-way relationship. Both friends provide support, celebrate each other’s successes, and stick together through tough times.

You feel heard, validated and accepted without the need for any pretense.

“They accept you for who you are,” Brar said.

Brownlee says people with the “strongest levels of well-being” have a “diverse social profile”.

Although they may have few close, long-term relationships—such as a romantic partner or one or two close friends—they also interact with a broader group of friendly neighbors, acquaintances, coworkers, and even casual contacts they greet on the street.

“There are also variations in the identity of the people they have contact with, so across generations (and) cultures,” he said.

making and maintaining new relationships

Brar suggests that one way to form new friendships is to join groups or participate in regular activities like a fitness class at the same time every week.

Seeing familiar faces every now and again opens the door to small, informal conversations — asking if someone has taken a class before or how their day is going.

Then, over time, these brief interactions can develop into deeper connections, says Brar, like getting coffee or a smoothie together, and sometimes even develop into lasting friendships.

For Dingos president and coach Justin Robertson, having a set structure has made a difference because it provides a clear way to stay connected.

“It started off like, ‘This is my work week, these are my hobbies’, then over the last few weeks people started talking openly about job loss (and) stress,” he said. “The longer it went on, the more comfortable we felt with each other.”

Brownlee says friendships don’t happen on their own. Even a small connection requires effort, followed by continued investment.

He said, “To get someone’s attention – to be interested in learning about them – requires willpower.”

---

If you or someone you know is struggling, look here for help: