Meet the ‘Supermoms’, a group of Black moms fighting the stigma of autism

Chinyere Ubani, whose 13-year-old son Ugochukwa has autism, recalls the moment he finally felt the support of other parents.

Ugochuk struggled with bullying at school and struggled to control his emotions. Six years after arriving in Canada from Nigeria, Ubani was having difficulty finding support for herself.

At that time, their struggle was mostly silent. She attended an event with other mothers of children suffering from autism, but even there she did not raise the issue.

She was about to leave when the organizer pulled her aside to ask if she was okay. Ubani started crying bitterly.

“I had a lot of pent-up emotions,” he said. “I didn’t just go there and cry on his shoulders. It was like a faucet got opened.”

Ubani said he felt a sense of relief and comfort That’s when she found a group for black mothers who have children with special needs, called “Supermoms.”

“Someone who looks like you, who is on the same journey as you – it’s easier for that person to connect to your story,” she said.

Fighting Shame, Sharing Resources

Organizer Adenike Adesina went through a similar period after his family immigrated from Nigeria in 2018. They hoped that life in Canada would be free of judgment and offer access to autism resources for their son, Mogboluvaga.

Instead, Adesina found himself struggling with long wait times for support. She also observed other mothers’ shame over their children’s disabilities.

“I still see people of my skin color hiding these kids,” she said. “They don’t want people to know they have kids.”

In 2023, Adesina began compiling a contact list of mothers she met through the church who also had children with special needs. She labeled each with the title “Supermom” and it stuck.

‘It was not easy in the beginning’

Adesina said the group has come a long way since its inception. Convincing mothers to participate was a challenge, compounded by cultural norms and many people’s preconceptions about autism.

“It was not easy in the beginning,” she said.

Most of the mothers are originally from Nigeria. Adesina said that some African families view having a child with autism as a “curse” or “punishment” for a past wrongdoing, and want to hide their child. This is a belief that she also maintained for some time.

“Did I do something? Did I hurt someone or did I commit a crime for which I have to suffer the consequences?” he remembers asking himself.

It took work to learn how to best support her son, but now Adesina has dedicated herself to helping other black parents feel proud of their children with special needs.

“I celebrate that a lot,” she said.

‘Non-decisional area’

The Supermoms group has evolved into a WhatsApp chat of women over 60 that provides a forum for conversation, advice and support as they share the challenges and triumphs of their children.

Moms send GIFs with encouraging messages and resources to help others navigate Canadian systems, from health care to school support, that they may be unfamiliar with. Sometimes they meet in person to talk, do each other’s makeup or let their kids play together.

For supermom Titilope Kazeem-Oshinubi, who joined the group two years ago, it has been life-changing.

“This is a community where you can always be yourself,” he said. “A non-judgmental zone.”

When her daughter Arief, now 7, was diagnosed with autism in childhood, Kazim-Oshinubi Never heard of the condition. Since then, she has earned a degree in social work to help her better understand her daughter.

She said she still has friends outside the group who are hesitant to spend time with Arief because they consider her “disruptive.”

“I can’t even take my child to their house,” she said.

But when she’s surrounded by other moms who are going through similar things, she said she feels less alone.

Kazim-Oshinubi Although the mothers in the group are working hard to reduce stigma, it is still a challenge. She knows many people who have children on the autism spectrum, but who are hesitant to join groups because they feel ashamed about their child’s diagnosis.

“Some mothers … are not ready to accept that (their child) has autism,” she said. “But we are doing our best for those who are ready.”